I Hate Papyrus

Jackie sent this along. She snapped these on a recent visit to Asheville, NC. You can change the height, the weight, the case, but it still is the same vomit bucket full of partially digested chicken pot pie.

Eco-LOVING housecleaning? Not eco-friendly? You really wanna take that relationship to the next level?

A website banner from this company’s website. Somebody like sparkles… and sun rays, and Papyrus… Somebody doesn’t have a degree in design (at least not one worth going in to debt in student loans) othewise they’d know enough to steer clear of this poop-smear of a font.

Ech… a magazine that uses this font for it’s title?! It’s the image people will identify with your product. Have you completely gone stooooopid?  What’s the point? Obviously this magazine is targeted at those crunchy, outdoorsy types who loathe bathing. Next camping trip I go on, I’ll be sure to wipe my ass with this rag after I take a shit in the bushes.

Taken from Twitter user aebrown1289.

If there’s one more thing I hate, it’s bloggers… but if there’s something that could make me hate them even more, that’d be a blogger who uses Papyrus. Maui seems to be a major offender of using Papyrus, as this is the second posting that I’ve seen. Is there really such a lack of journalists in Hawaii that they have bloggers instead of actual reporters? Obviously they have monkeys designing adspace instead of actual designers since they used Papyrus here.

Taken from Twitter user denisethayer.

So, a full-page ad–oh, sorry… a full-page story on meditation. LET’S USE PAPYRUS! I don’t get the process these people go through before choosing this shit! Why? What’s wrong with a normal effin font?! Even the by-line is in this piece of crap font! Literally. It looks like poo. This guy’s expression in the picture looks like he’s taking a poo. I’d like to take a poo on this page. I can only hope for the sake of the people who read this really under-funded paper that this staff writer is out of a job, out on the streets, and trying to keep herself warm with stacks of the paper, containing this story.

Taken from Twitter user denisethayer.

I guess we know why Hawaii took so long to finally become a state. Bunch of dimwits, the lot of them! A newspaper headline in Papyrus?! I’ve never heard of such a bastardization of print media!!! I don’t know if it was this Chris Hamilton who made that font selection or if it was the editor or what. I’m not familar with who makes those decisions. But whoever did should be fired and then kicked in the balls with a steel-toed boot as they’re walking out the door. Yeah, that’s right, so that your ankle smashes the idiot in the grundle. Take that, Maui.

Taken from Twitter user @denisethayer.

In the space of less than one hour of shopping, I found these three examples of shitty design. First, I was grocery shopping with my wife and I spotted a huge chunk of an aisle polluted with this garbage pile of Bigelow teas. Yeah, just what I want to put in my mouth… a bunch of tea from teabags that have gotten all soggy in a cup of hot water. Now I know why they call it teabagging! Picture a homeless guy dunking his sweaty, filthy, hairy nutsack in a cup of water… and then you drink it. With Papyrus on these boxes, that’s what I’ll think of… every time.

Next stop was the Paper Store to get a Fathers’ Day card. (I know, their logo is in Papyrus. That’s a rant for another time.) I saw this book. Wow. I don’t even know what to say. Alliteration can be considered cool, but when one wishes to wield Papyrus, proudly promoting published prose, I’d like to lay the lexicon laterally and launch my lunch of lentils at the awful asspot who wrote this ridiculous, rotten rag. In short, go fuck yourself Suzy Toronto. That’s a fake name if I ever heard one. Good call, using a pseudonym for this expensive toilet paper.

Last stop was the liquor store to buy my father a gift for Fathers’ Day. While perusing the aisles, I spotted a bottle of Sol Dios. Not much I can say about this either. It’s just really bad. Mexico is far from Egypt, yes. Perhaps in ancient times there was some connection between the Mayans and ancient Egyptians. But at this stage of the game, I’m not even accepting something relating to ancient Egypt as an excuse for using this font. There is NO excuse for it. Sol Dios, no more siestas until you find a new logo!

A final note: I have made it a point to NEVER purchase anything that has Papyrus on it. Why not follow suit?

In the words of the person who submitted this ass-lubricant, “Shitty coffee tastes even worse in Papyrus!! This was in a hospital caf. Bet their recovery rates are lousy!”

By the way, great job on the leading in the second photo. Way to overlap your text. You are clearly professionals who know what you’re doing. What a bunch of geniuses. Working in a hospital caf… not doctors… clearly not graphic designers… and you came up with such an original logo for your coffee service, like no other coffee shop on the planet has come up with.

Shitforbrains.

Thanks to Joseph for sharing this crack cheese.

From a business on Boylston Street in Boston. What the shit?! A Holistic Approach to Dental Medicine?! Are you friggin’ kidding me? Sorry, but when it comes to my teeth and gums, I’d rather rely on Western medicine. Arthritis, headaches, etc… sure, use holistic medicine. Don’t use it for you dental health, Kurban and Fereidouni. AND DON’T USE PAPYRUS, you buckets of frothy diarrhea!

Recently, I purchased the DVD of TV Funhouse… a little-known show from 2000 that was on Comedy Central. Then, during the second episode, I saw this! Are you kidding me? TV Funhouse actually used Papyrus? What the hell?! Why would they do this? It’d be one thing if they were TRYING to annoy people. I’d expect that. But it was just there, clearly without any thought being put in to it. Now, if I remember correctly, in 2000, Papyrus was very rarely used and it hadn’t reached the level of annoyingness that it’s at today. Still… SHIT!!!